I am very privileged to work with people who have chosen the complementary approach to fertility concerns, sometimes in addition to undertaking or, preparing for, IVF treatments.   However, during the course of these sessions; it has become apparent that the majority seem consider a diagnosis of infertility, or choosing to have a child by IVF, to be one of shame and denial.  They tell me that they have not even told their parents or close friends because they feel embarrassed.  I can not help but wonder, therefore, why this ‘scientific’ approach to assisted parenthood should be viewed as being so shameful?


In 1978 when Louise Brown, the first ‘test tube’ baby was born, it was expounded by the press and scientific world as a wonderful opportunity for infertile couples to enter into parenthood, and celebrated accordingly. So what changed?


Obviously being told that you have fertility issues is a shock to a couple planning a ‘normal’ family.  Some people obviously have physical problems such as low sperm count, poor quality/no eggs, or early menopause.   However, for many, the diagnosis of infertility is due to what is called ‘undiagnosed infertility’, that means that there have been no physical causes found for a couple who have been unable to conceive for 2 years or more.


So where is the shame in a planned or assisted pregnancy?





Why should this be perceived as shameful?





Where is the shame in an assisted pregnancy?






...only to be asked "whose fault is it?"...





A huge blow.. even a kind of bereavement...



Fertility issues are becoming more common...



Do not let others ignorance make you feel ashamed.....








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I feel distressed for clients who come along, having shared their sadness with friends and family, only be asked “whose fault is it then?”   Fault implies a deliberate action to sabotage conception.  Would you ask someone who has had a diagnosis of heart disease, breast cancer, or some other inherited illness, whose fault is it?  So why should the physical inability to conceive be different?



 The diagnosis of fertility issues, whether they are physical or unknown, is a huge blow to a couple who were planning a family.  It is in effect a loss, even in some cases a kind of bereavement, when they have to either accept that they are not going to create a family by natural conception, or perhaps have a long and increasingly expensive road ahead, involving tests and often unpleasant, sometimes dangerous, chemical stimulants, side effects, and sometimes still multiple failures, with IVF. 


Even after multiple IVF attempts, it may still not be possible to become pregnant, or successfully carry a pregnancy to full term.  In this case the options are even more limited and more stressful, to give up, consider surrogacy, or to apply for adoption (also a stressful and very protracted process).


Why am I telling you this?   Well fertility issues are becoming more and more common.  People are leading increasing stressful lives and having to continue working in order to pay mortgages and bills. Therefore, there is a significant rise in the number of couples who are looking at starting families later.  


I have found that once the subject is raised, others come forward to say, I did this also, thank you for opening up discussion.   So why am I telling you this?   YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Look on the internet for forums and blogs.  Find a practitioner or counsellor, if you need, in order to gain a balanced perspective, or just to vent, but do not feel ashamed.  You have a problem which you are dealing with – good for you.  Live your life, embrace your desires and work towards your goal as best you can.  Do not let others who continue to live in ignorance, let you feel less of a person.  THERE IS NO SHAME IN INFERTILITY.  Take the help available to you, without embarrassment, and if you complete your family at the end of it all then the result speaks for itself. 


If this is you, or you are thinking about a complementary approach to your fertility problem give me a call today and arrange to come along for a FREE consultation to chat through any questions you may have.


Call Cherie on 07900 352324


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